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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29129295">Can't Be Herself When She's Somebody Else</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/CalistaWon/pseuds/CalistaWon'>CalistaWon</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Can't Be Herself When She's Somebody Else [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Coming Out, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Happy Ending, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, They/Them Pronouns for Eret (Video Blogging RPF), Trans Character, Trans Female Character, Trans TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), lesbianinnit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 06:21:50</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>14,505</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29129295</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/CalistaWon/pseuds/CalistaWon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Clementine realized she was trans months ago, and has yet to come out to anybody but her parents, her doctor (woo! hormones!), and one friend. She made the new accounts so she wouldn’t have to come out on her TommyInnit ones, but suddenly Emmmy_ is being invited onto the Dream smp. It becomes increasingly difficult to manage both her TommyInnit and Emmmy_ accounts. Thank god for her friends.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Clay | Dream &amp; TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Eret &amp; TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), No Romantic Relationship(s), Technoblade &amp; TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Toby Smith | Tubbo &amp; TommyInnit, Toby Smith | Tubbo &amp; Wilbur Soot &amp; Technoblade &amp; TommyInnit &amp; Phil Watson, TommyInnit &amp; Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Wilbur Soot &amp; TommyInnit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Can't Be Herself When She's Somebody Else [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2165433</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>430</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>2877</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Clem’s Favorite Fics, Completed stories I've read, Dream smp fics that help me live, Jester's Collection, Purrsonal Picks</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hey! I’m sort of new to the fandom so let me know if there’s anything in the fic that the cc’s wouldn’t like. I don’t think there is (there shouldn’t be) but just in case! Thanks! (if they ever express that they don't like works like this I'll take it down!)</p><p>Anyway I heard people wanted more mtf Tommy//Clementine and I also wanted more so… I wrote this! Some of this is sort of based on my own experiences because around my family/school/work I pretend to be cis but online I can be out as genderfluid. Hope you like the story!</p><p>-Cal </p><p>(Work title from 'Mars' by Yungblud, which I just discovered, like, yesterday)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Clementine deletes the username she was about to create for herself and buries her head in her hands. Stupid. She can’t name herself ClemInnit. Not if she wants to keep her new channels completely separate from her TommyInnit ones. In fact, even using the name Clementine might be a bad idea. She’s mentioned the name on stream before. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It takes some time (and quite a few online username generators) but she settles for ‘ItsEmmy’ on Youtube and Twitch. She doesn’t exactly like going by Clemmy (it sounds like clammy) but Emmy isn’t so bad. On her new Minecraft account, she sets her name to ‘Emmmy_’. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She posts her first video on Youtube three days later. She isn’t ready to stream yet, not until she’s certain that the voice changer on her microphone isn’t too obvious. All it does is heighten the pitch of her voice a little so she doesn’t sound like ‘Tommy’. She also posts a video on her TommyInnit channel. Wilbur, Phil, and Tubbo are all in it. In the Tommy video, she doesn’t use a voice changer and she’s got a facecam. Everybody uses he/him pronouns for her. Nobody knows that she’s, well, a </span>
  <em>
    <span>she</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She made the new accounts so she wouldn’t have to come out on her TommyInnit ones. She knows she probably should, knows that it’s not good for her mental health to pretend to be a boy all the time, especially around her friends, but she’s scared (not that she’d ever actually admit that). She’s afraid of what her fans will say, sure, but even more so, she’s afraid of what her friends will say. She </span>
  <em>
    <span>knows </span>
  </em>
  <span>they’d probably be okay with it (see: every video of Wilbur saying “trans rights”), but that doesn’t stop the little voice in the back of her mind from making her second-guess herself. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>With the new accounts, she can take a break from being a boy to be who she really is. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The first video does well, in part because Eret mentions it on stream. Clem’s out to four people. Her parents, the doctor who’s going to start her on hormones soon, and Eret. Eret was the one who helped her figure everything out a few months ago and the only friend she was absolutely certain she could tell without anything changing between them. Eret uses any pronouns, after all. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Nobody says anything about her voice being weird, so she starts streaming alongside making videos. She starts a hardcore world and slowly, she gains popularity. </span>
  <em>
    <span>She </span>
  </em>
  <span>gains popularity, not </span>
  <em>
    <span>he</span>
  </em>
  <span>. It’s incredibly validating. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But it’s a lot. Maintaining her TommyInnit channels </span>
  <em>
    <span>and </span>
  </em>
  <span>her ItsEmmy channels. At least with the Tommy ones she’s got editors. Clem does everything herself for her ItsEmmy videos. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She manages, though, because she wants to. Because she loves streaming and making funny videos and playing Minecraft.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And then Dream invites Emmmy_ onto the Dream Smp. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>While Clem is streaming.</span>
  </em>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dream just shows up in her chat telling her to check Discord. For a second, Clem wonders if she’s accidentally been streaming as Emmy on her TommyInnit Twitch channel and she freezes up because </span>
  <em>
    <span>oh fuck no</span>
  </em>
  <span>. A quick double check shows that she’s streaming from ItsEmmy, but then she’s freaking out because </span>
  <em>
    <span>holy shit, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Dream is in her chat. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her chat is freaking out, as can be expected, and because she’s live, she can’t just </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>check Discord. She can’t just </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>tell chat that Dream invited her onto the smp. So she freaks out - the chat thinks she’s excited, she knows she’s a second away from losing it - and logs onto the smp as Emmmy_. Dream tells her to join vc1. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hello?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hi,” Dream says. “Welcome.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thanks,” Clem responds. “I wasn’t expecting this today.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Most people aren’t,” Dream laughs. It’s been a while since she’s spoken to him outside of lore streams or script meetings. And well, she’s never spoken to him as Emmy. “I told Foolish when I invited him a while ago that I like inviting new people just before or just after big things happen. We just finished the latest season so this seemed like a good time.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah. It was a good finale,” Clem feels weird saying that, considering she was part of that finale. “Thanks for inviting me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No problem, you seem cool,” Dream says. It’s an offhand comment but Clem smiles. “Anyway, I’m supposed to be in prison so I’m not really supposed to be talking to anyone.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Right,” Clem says as if she isn’t the one who sent him there in the first place. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>In the Discord messages, Dream tells her that they can chat after her stream if she has any questions. Out loud, he tells her, “I’d say for your first few days on the smp you make a house and get to know some people. You probably won’t be included in the lore right away but considering we’re starting up a new arc, you’ll be included pretty soon.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Build a house. I can do that,” Clem says enthusiastically. “Thank you again for inviting me!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The second that Dream leaves the vc, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Tubbo, </span>
  </em>
  <span>of all people, joins. He says ‘hello’ the way Clem knew he would. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hi, Tubbo!” Clem winces. That sounded too familiar. Tubbo is her best friend (even if he doesn’t know she’s a she yet). It’s hard to turn it off. Thankfully, nobody notices. Her chat is too busy being excited about her joining the smp. Her viewer count is already rising. It’s nowhere near what she gets as TommyInnit, but she doesn’t care. That’s not the point of her ItsEmmy channels. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Emmy!” Tubbo says. “I like your videos.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Oh. Tubbo watches her videos. What the fuck? </span>
  <em>
    <span>Does he know? </span>
  </em>
  <span>No, surely not. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you!” Clem laughs. “I like yours too,” that’s a normal thing to say, right? Yeah… Clem isn’t losing it. She’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Has anybody given you a tour yet?” Tubbo asks.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, no. I’ve only just joined,” she tells him. “It’s only been a few minutes, actually.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So she spends the next twenty minutes following her best-friend-who-doesn’t-know-he’s-her-best-friend around the server that she’s actually been part of for months. It’s really fun, though. Falling into a steady banter with Tubbo is easy, even if they’ve “just met”, and it’s nice to just wander around the smp. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think I’m gonna end my stream now,” Clem says once they’re done. They’ve ended up in Snowchester. Tubbo has been trying to convince Clem to build her house there for the past few minutes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Alright!” Tubbo says. “It was nice speaking with you! You remind me of Tommy, actually-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tubbo says something else, probably about introducing her to Tommy sometime, but Clem is too caught up with the fact that she reminds Tubbo of herself. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Shit shit shit. </span>
  </em>
  <span>She thought she was acting different enough. She figured if she changed a few things then nobody would notice! Just a little less energy, less shouting, fewer curse words. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Shit. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Emmy?” Oh, right. She’s still on call with him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah? Sorry. My mother’s calling me,” Clem says, pulling the excuse out of her ass.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, okay! I’ll see if Tommy can come say hello to you tomorrow, like I said,” Tubbo tells her. “Bye!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Right! Thank you. Bye Tubbo!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Clem goes through her end of stream routine (which is decidedly different from her TommyInnit routine). With a final goodbye to her viewers, she ends the stream….</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And promptly screams into the pillow on her bed because </span>
  <em>
    <span>holy fuck</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her phone, on the nightstand beside her, buzzes. Once. Twice. She grabs it and checks the screen. Both texts are from Tubbo.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Tubbo</b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy are you gonna be on the spm tomorow?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dream added Emmmy_! you should meet her</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Clem grimaces at her deadname, but it’s not Tubbo’s fault. She doesn’t reply. Instead, she messages Eret.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Clementine</b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hey</span>
</p>
<p>
  <b>Eret</b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>bIg woman!!</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>What’s up?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <b>Clementine</b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>dream added me to the smp</span>
</p>
<p>
  <b>Eret</b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>yes?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <b>Clementine</b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Emmmy_</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>ItsEmmy</span>
</p>
<p>
  <b>Eret</b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Oh</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>oh!!!</span>
</p>
<p>
  <b>Clementine</b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I was streaming so i had to go on. tubbo showed me around</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I’m pretty sure he wants me to meet tommy</span>
</p>
<p>
  <b>Eret</b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Okay</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Okay</span>
</p>
<p>
  <b>Clementine</b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Eret that’s me. But not me. You know.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <b>Eret</b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I could ask dream to remove you</span>
</p>
<p>
  <b>Clementine</b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That would be sus</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Wtf am i meant to do??</span>
</p>
<p>
  <b>Eret</b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Take a deep breath first</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Clementine does. A few times, actually. The whole point of ItsEmmy was so Clem could do what she loves as herself, without having to worry about shit like transphobia and losing her friends. Now, everything is clashing together and Clem is worried that it’ll end in an explosion. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <b>Eret</b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I think you should do what you think is best for you</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Like, in the long run</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Either keep streaming on the smp as ItsEmmy and TommyInnit</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Or don’t</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But make sure you aren’t going to be overworking yourself</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Or over worrying yourself</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And keep yourself safe</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Don’t fuck with your mental health just to make other people happy</span>
</p>
<p>
  <b>Clementine</b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>uop</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sorry misclick</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Thank you, Eret</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Seriously </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Wow I'm blown away by all the support that the last chapter received! Thank you to everybody who read it! </p><p>Just in case it needs clarification (because I’m a bit paranoid that it might), ItsEmmy is Clementine's channel name, Emmmy_ is her minecraft user, and Clem is just her nickname. She goes by Emmy on stream so that the name Clementine can’t be traced back to TommyInnit (she's a bit paranoid too, I guess)! </p><p>-Cal</p><p>Warnings: dysphoria mentioned quite a few times. Clem's deadname is used as well sometimes because there are lots of people she isn't out to and to differentiate her different youtube/twitch accounts.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>She continues streaming on the smp. They’re getting further into the lore again so she streams with her TommyInnit account more often, but she tries to hop onto her hardcore world or the smp on her ItsEmmy account whenever she can. Eret’s been really helpful with that. They try to be on the smp whenever ItsEmmy is streaming and even if Eret isn’t playing, they’ll still sometimes jump into a vc with Clem just to chat while she streams.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tubbo hasn’t been able to introduce Tommy and Emmy yet. Thankfully, he hasn’t pushed it too much. Clem gets along with Tubbo as herself and as Tommy, which is nice. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But, while Tubbo doesn’t push it, others have noticed. TommyInnit’s chat was actually the first to bring it up. ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>How come you don’t interact with Emmmy_’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>someone had asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, um,” Clem had frozen up. It didn’t help that wearing more masculine clothes and doing her hair differently was dialing her dysphoria up to eleven. The things she did for content, honestly. “I’ve never been on the smp at the same time as her. Not on purpose! We’re just never free at the same time, I guess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That was the wrong thing to say, clearly, because suddenly people are </span>
  <em>
    <span>speculating</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Now, everybody thinks that Tommy and Emmy don’t like each other, or something. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And the others have latched on to this bit like a lifeline. Wilbur, as they’re filming another mod video for the TommyInnit channel, makes a joke about just having to invite Emmy to a party if you don’t want Tommy to show up. It’s actually hilarious in any context, because of course </span>
  <em>
    <span>Tommy </span>
  </em>
  <span>wouldn’t show up if Emmy did, but it also sucks because she’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>lying to her friends. </span>
  </em>
  <span>She knows she’s not supposed to see it that way. She’s not lying just because she isn’t ready to come out, but it’s hard not to feel like she is sometimes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She’s in a Discord call with Dream, Wilbur, Techno and Ranboo. Tubbo was there at one point but he’s off doing something with his family now. Badboyhalo was there at one point too but he had to leave to film a video with Skeppy. They’re discussing the script. It’s more of a vague outline of what the next ‘season’ on the smp is going to look like, but they like to call it a script. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh! Tommy,” Dream says. Clem’s glad they aren’t using facecams for the call because it’s already shit enough that everybody calls her Tommy. At least she can wear a skirt and the makeup she’s been experimenting with. She’s not very good at using makeup, but her mother’s been helping and Clem is getting better. Right now, she’s just got some lipstick on, because that’s the one thing she knows she can do well. It’s light pink and she likes it very much, thank you. “I’ve been meaning to ask. What </span>
  <em>
    <span>is </span>
  </em>
  <span>up with you and Emmy? She’s befriended Tubbo and Sam so I kind of want to add her into your next arc.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I had the same idea, actually,” Wilbur adds. “I think the two of you would get along if you’d actually speak to her for even a minute.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Clem just groans, slumping over a bit. Her hair, which has been getting longer - another reason why she’s glad they aren’t using facecams, she doesn’t need the teasing comments about it, especially when she’s so happy about growing it out - falls into her face. It’s only as she’s pushing it out of her eyes that she remembers she hasn’t muted herself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” that’s Techno. “I thought it was just a bit. Do you actually not like her, Tommy?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Well shit. “No!” Clem exclaims, far too quickly. “I just meant… Eret wanted her to be part of his next arc. And- and I already came up with some ideas for that.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Good. Eret. Eret will definitely back her up if she needs them to. If only Eret was part of the call right now.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>College is shit. Well, no, Clem loves it, really. But she has yet to come out, seeing as whatever she tells the school will get traced back to TommyInnit. So she goes to school as Big Man Tommy and films funny TikToks about girls (she had a right laugh when she realized LesbianInnit was canon) and she pretends that everything is fine when her parents ask.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>One day, she’ll be ready to come out. She just doesn’t quite know when that day will come. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Clem isn’t streaming but she is on the smp as Emmmy_ when Wilbur joins the vc she’s in. He isn’t streaming either, apparently. He just wants to chat. Clem has a bad feeling about this. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He asks her how she’s been. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Doing well. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He inquires about the next time she’ll be streaming. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’ll probably stream my hardcore world tomorrow. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He asks her if she’s met Tommy yet, as if he doesn’t already know that the answer is </span>
  <em>
    <span>no</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I ask why?” Wilbur questions. </span>
  <em>
    <span>No, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Clem thinks, </span>
  <em>
    <span>no you can’t</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think we’re just coincidentally never on the smp at the same time,” Clem tells him. It’s a crappy lie and she knows it. Wilbur knows it, too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think that’s it,” Wilbur says. “At least, not all of it. I don’t want to push, but I care a lot about Tommy and I think you’re pretty great, too. Tommy hasn’t been very forthcoming about what’s going on between the two of you, so I thought you might be able to tell me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Clem grins despite herself. Wilbur cares a lot about her? She knows he’s said it before, but it’s nice to hear it from him when he doesn’t know who he’s actually talking to. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But that thought just makes her feel like shit because now she feels guilty about lying to her friend. To her </span>
  <em>
    <span>brother</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Dammit. Now her chest feels all tight and since when was it so hard to breathe and oh shit this isn’t good, </span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Without thinking, Clem closes out of Discord, quits Minecraft, and shuts down her computer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fuck. Wilbur is for sure going to find that suspicious. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rumours spiral. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>People legitimately think that TommyInnit and ItsEmmy hate each other. What’s worse, people are picking sides. Half of TommyInnit’s chat nowadays is filled with people saying Tommy is in the right. Half of ItsEmmy’s chat nowadays is filled with people saying Emmy is right. Thankfully, there are people out there who are trying to shut down the rumours, but with neither streamer mentioning the supposed rivalry, their attempts are being ignored. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s fine. It is. Yep. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That’s a lie. Clem is having a hard time keeping it together. It’s too much, and pretending to be Tommy is getting harder and harder. People have started noticing TommyInnit’s flagging energy. People are blaming Clem, in part, for Tommy’s change in demeanor. It’s true, of course, because Clem’s worsening dysphoria is a huge cause of it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Managing all of her accounts is getting tough, too. It’s not difficult to catch onto the fact that ItsEmmy has been making fewer Youtube videos. She’s been streaming so much as both TommyInnit and ItsEmmy on the smp. Doing both takes up a </span>
  <em>
    <span>lot </span>
  </em>
  <span>of time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So yeah, with all that pressure, it’s not </span>
  <em>
    <span>her fault</span>
  </em>
  <span> that she snapped. Right?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It happened during a stream. It wasn’t even one of </span>
  <em>
    <span>her </span>
  </em>
  <span>streams. No, it was </span>
  <em>
    <span>Phil’s</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And now it’s trending on Twitter. Phil’s chat came close to breaking. Wilbur is uncomfortable. Techno’s confused as fuck.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She’s ItsEmmy when it happens, not TommyInnit. Someone in chat mentions the Sleepy Bois and Wilbur - Clem knows it’s a ruse to get Tommy and Emmy to talk civilly to each other - says he’ll try inviting Tommy into the call. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Clem is feeling dysphoric.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Clem is exhausted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And being Tommy, as much as she has fun when she’s streaming, is </span>
  <em>
    <span>too much</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So she blurts, “Fuck TommyInnit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It takes a second for her to realize what she’s done, but when she does, she leaves the call immediately. There's no way of playing that off as a joke. She doesn’t respond to Phil when he messages her on Discord a few minutes later.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Philza Minecraft</b>
</p><p>
  <span>I ended the stream.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Is everything okay?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Emmy?</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Sorry that this one was so angsty! I promise that things get better for her! </p><p>Thanks again for reading!</p><p>-Cal</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Oops, this chapter is a lot longer than the previous chapters! Also this chapter is kind of dialogue heavy, sorry.</p><p>Thanks again to everybody for reading this story! I'm glad people like it!</p><p>-Cal</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>Tubbo</b>
</p><p>Tommy?</p><p>I’m not sure if you saw Phil’s stream.</p><p>If you did, I’m sure Emmy didn't mean it.</p><p>At least. Not like that.</p><p>I just wanted to ask tho</p><p>Is it my fault that you two don’t like each other?</p><p>I know a lot of people make clingyinnit jokes and stuff</p><p>And i’m sure it’s probably not that</p><p>But i thought i’d</p><p>i’d make sure you remembered that even though I’ve been talking to Emmy a lot</p><p>You’re my best friend.</p><p>i’ll always be here for you</p><p> </p><p>Okay, so Clem knows she probably shouldn’t think so, but it’s kind of funny that people think she hates herself. It’s not quite as funny that her friends think she hates herself, though. She’s not sure what she’s supposed to do.</p><p>The morning after she basically confirms the TommyInnit vs. ItsEmmy rivalry, she messages Dream, telling him that ItsEmmy is going to be taking a break from the smp for a little bit. She tells him it’s to focus on her hardcore world and making Youtube videos. She doubts that Dream believes her.</p><p>She ignores the messages ItsEmmy has received from Wilbur and Phil and Techno. They probably hate her for hating their friend. She ignores whatever they sent to TommyInnit, as well. She doesn’t want to know what her friends have to say about Emmy. </p><p>And like, fuck Twitter. What even is that?</p><p>She reads Tubbo’s messages to Tommy, though. She cries. </p><p>Her mother calls up to her from downstairs. She and Clem’s father are going out to the shops. They’ll be back by lunch. </p><p>Clem has a shower, which is a bit of a struggle when she doesn’t want to even think about her body right now. Thankfully, she isn’t planning on going out today, nor does she have the intention of streaming. Instead, she’s going to put on a dress and do her makeup. She might even paint her nails. </p><p>The dress is blue. Eret helped her pick it out. It’s an a-line, according to the internet, and it goes down to just below her knees. She likes it because it’s got a high neckline and sleeves similar to those of a t-shirt. It’s also comfortable as hell and it’s got pockets.</p><p>She still isn’t great at makeup (seriously, eyeliner pencils are kind of scary. Her mother is going to teach her how to use liquid eyeliner, but Clem’s still worried about that, too) so she just sticks to a bit of mascara and her light pink lipstick. </p><p>And then she messages Tubbo.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Tommy</b>
</p><p>Video call?</p><p> </p><p>The incoming call notification goes off on her computer almost immediately after she sends the message. She accepts the call, audio only. Tubbo shows up on her screen, looking worried.</p><p>“Tommy?” </p><p>“Tubbo,” Her voice is strained. She barely gets his name out. Oh god. Clem can’t believe she’s doing this. For a second, she thinks about backing out. Just telling Tubbo that everything’s fine. That he’s probably right, Emmy didn’t mean it. </p><p>But then Tubbo asks, “Is everything alright? What I said in my texts was true. I’ll always be here for you.”</p><p>She turns on her camera. </p><p>She pushes her chair back a little so he can see more of her outfit.</p><p>Her heart races.</p><p>Tubbo is silent, and Clem wonders if this was a horrible mistake. She’s about to just end the call, or tell him it’s a joke, <em> ha, isn’t this funny? I’m in a dress and makeup. Hilarious </em>. Before she can do either of those things, Tubbo speaks up.</p><p>“Oh,” he says. Clem can’t tell if it’s a good ‘oh’ or a bad one.</p><p>“Tubbo?”</p><p>“Emmy?”</p><p>Oh. Oh. Holy shit. Did Tubbo already know? No. That’s impossible. Clem doesn’t know how to respond. </p><p>Faced with Clem’s silence, Tubbo’s eyes go wide and he gasps, quickly sputtering, “Oh gosh! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to presume that you- that you’re… Sorry! I just meant… um-”</p><p>“Tubbo!” </p><p>“I- yes?”</p><p>“You… how’d you know?”</p><p>“Wait, you really are… you’re Emmy?” Tubbo asks. “Why?”</p><p>“It’s Clementine, actually. Or Clem,” she explains. “She and her pronouns.”</p><p>A look of realization passes over Tubbo’s face and he smiles. “Alright. Is that a dress? It’s nice.”</p><p>“Oh, thank you,” Clem grins down at the dress. But wait- her head snaps back up to look at Tubbo, “Is that it?”</p><p>“Is what it?”</p><p>“I mean you’re,” Clem bites her lip, “we’re okay?”</p><p>“What? Of course we are, To-Clementine,” Tubbo says. “I do want to know why you’ve decided to make entirely new Youtube and Twitch channels, though.”</p><p>Clem chuckles a bit, feeling the relief wash over her. She hadn’t realized it would feel this good, finally telling somebody. Telling her parents had been different. She knows they love her unconditionally. Telling people that could so easily cut contact - they don’t exactly live near each other and the <em> block </em>button isn’t exactly hard to find - is terrifying to even think about. </p><p>“I’m not comfortable coming out on my TommyInnit channels yet,” Clem explains. “And I wanted to stream as myself, instead of having to pretend to be Tommy all the time.”</p><p>“Oh, alright,” Tubbo says and <em> damn, </em>Clem is so lucky to have such an amazing best friend. “So, I should only use your pronouns and your name in private, then?”</p><p>“Yeah. Yes, thank you,” Clem says. “Eret knows, too, actually. They helped me figure this shit out.”</p><p>“I’ll have to thank them for helping,” Tubbo hums sincerely. </p><p>“You never told me how you knew I was Emmy.”</p><p>“I told you when you first joined the smp,” Tubbo says. “Or rather, when you joined again? You reminded me of, well, yourself I suppose. Plus, I always thought your voices sounded somewhat similar.”</p><p>“Oh. Is it easy to tell that I sound similar to myself?” Clem almost laughs at the sentence she’s just uttered. She would’ve if she wasn’t so worried that other people might be able to deduce that ItsEmmy and TommyInnit are the same person like Tubbo did. </p><p>“Not really. I just know you too well,” Tubbo jokes. Clem agrees, though, he really does. Tubbo looks like he’s going to say something else. Instead, he freezes, and for a second Clem thinks they might be having a connection problem, but then Tubbo looks directly into his camera, eyes wide, and bursts out laughing. “Oh my- oh my <em> goodness</em>! Clementine!”</p><p>“What? What are you on about?” Tubbo doesn’t respond. “What?<em>Tubbo</em>?”</p><p>“You- you’re your own rival! You said ‘fuck TommyInnit’ last night,” Tubbo wheezes. “<em>Clementine! </em>” </p><p>“Fuck,” Clem bursts out laughing, too. </p><p>They stay on call with each other for pretty much the entire rest of the day. Tubbo starts playing Tekkit. Clem’s father brings Clem a sandwich for lunch at one point (Clem hadn’t even realized her parents had returned home). </p><p>Clem paints her nails. She lets Tubbo choose the colour. He picks gold. </p><p> </p><p>She goes to check her messages from Phil, Wilbur, and Techno the next morning. She’s gotten a few messages from some of the other smp members, both to TommyInnit and ItsEmmy. One is a very long message from Quackity to Tommy that is entirely in Spanish. It makes her laugh, even though she can’t understand a word of it, which was probably the point. </p><p>She’s about to read Wilbur’s messages to ItsEmmy when she realizes she hasn’t come up with an excuse yet. What the hell is she supposed to say? She said “Fuck TommyInnit” with her whole chest two days ago, live and in front of her friends. She switches over to her messages with Eret.</p><p>Eret has messaged her a few times too. She ignores whatever they’ve said. In favour of just messaging him immediately.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Clementine</b>
</p><p>Eret!!!</p><p>
  <b>Eret</b>
</p><p>Clem!</p><p>Are you okay?</p><p>
  <b>Clementine</b>
</p><p>Came out to Tubbo yesterday!</p><p>
  <b>Eret</b>
</p><p>I assume it went well?</p><p>
  <b>Clementine</b>
</p><p>Very!</p><p>But wtf am I supposed to do about my rivalry</p><p>You know the one with myself??</p><p>
  <b>Eret</b>
</p><p>I would say you should try and dispel the rumours</p><p>
  <b>Clementine</b>
</p><p>I mean, yes. But how?</p><p>
  <b>Eret</b>
</p><p>Say it was all a bit?</p><p>
  <b>Clementine</b>
</p><p>Chat might believe that</p><p>Wilbur won’t</p><p>
  <b>Eret</b>
</p><p>Sorry, Clem. I honestly don’t know.</p><p> </p><p>Before Clem can respond, she gets a Discord notification. Fuck, Wilbur must have noticed she was online. He wants her to join a vc. Techno and Phil are both in it, too. She says goodbye to Eret, makes sure her mic settings are set properly,  and joins the vc. </p><p>“Hey guys,” she greets. </p><p>“Emmy!” Phil says, relieved, though Clem isn’t sure why.</p><p>She bites the bullet. “Sorry about the other day.”</p><p>“Can we ask about it?” Techno inquires. </p><p>“Uh, well. It’s just,” <em> fuck fuck fuck, </em> “Tommy is my cousin!” <em> What the fuck, Clem. </em>What kind of an excuse is that? Jesus. </p><p>Clem can imagine the confused look on Wilbur’s face as he says, “Oh. Um.” </p><p>And suddenly, Clem has an entire cover story bubbling up from her lips, tumbling into the world as Clem desperately tries to explain herself. “Our parents don’t get along,” she says, “but my parents know I stream and they don’t like that I’m interacting with my cousin so we’ve been staying away from each other. And then my parents were watching Phil’s stream and I was worried about what they would say so I panicked and said, you know, but I realized that was probably really mean so I panicked some more and just… left.”</p><p>“Your parents were watching my stream?” Phil asks. A valid question, really. She just hopes that nobody asks why her parents don’t like Tommy’s. She hasn’t figured that bit out yet. </p><p>“Only because I was part of it,” Clem explains. </p><p>“So, you and Tommy don’t get along?” Techno says. </p><p>Clem wants to say yes, because <em> obviously </em>(fuck dysphoria), but she can’t say that. Instead, she tells them, “No, we get along just fine. We just have to pretend not to or our parents might throw a fit.” </p><p>“Ah, I see.”</p><p>Clem’s phone pings. It’s a message from Wilbur to Tommy. Oh. He’s confirming her story with her supposed ‘cousin’. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Wil</b>
</p><p>Emmy’s your cousin?</p><p> </p><p>Out loud, Wilbur says to Clem, “Is there a reason why you didn’t tell us until now?” Shit. Wilbur sounds kind of doubtful of her story. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Tommy</b>
</p><p>She told you?</p><p> </p><p>“We just didn’t want to make a big deal of it,” Clem runs a hand down her face. Fuck, this is stressful.  “That’s all.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Wil</b>
</p><p>Just now.</p><p>You could have told us before now, you know</p><p>
  <b>Tommy</b>
</p><p>It’s not a big deal. </p><p> </p><p>“I guess you’ll want to keep this between us,” Techno says. </p><p>“If you could.”</p><p>“Of course,” Phil tells her. “It’s good to know you don’t actually hate each other.”</p><p>Wilbur laughs. “I don’t know what I would’ve done.” </p><p>That gets a small laugh out of Clem, who relaxes now that she’s certain they’ve all accepted the story. </p><p>“We heard that you were taking a break from the smp,” Phil says. Oh, right. That.</p><p>“Yeah. I want to focus more on my hardcore world,” she lies. “It won’t be too long of a break.”</p><p>“So it wasn’t because of the whole ‘fuck Tommy’ thing?” Wilbur asks. </p><p>“Oh, no. I was planning on taking a break for a while now, actually.”</p><p>Clem hears Phil make a contemplative hum. “Well, what would you say to me vc’ing you sometime during one of your streams.”</p><p>Clem lets out a giddy noise before she can stop it. “Really?” </p><p>“If you want me to.”</p><p>“Yes! Of course! You could give me tips and shit,” she grins. <em> The </em>Philza Minecraft, Mr. Five-Years-in-Hardcore wants to chill with ItsEmmy (who is not TommyInnit!) on stream. </p><p>“Great! Let’s do it.”</p><p>“Just don’t forget you need to be part of tomorrow’s smp lore streams, Phil, ” Techno says. </p><p>Oh fuck. Clem forgot about that. She needs to stream as TommyInnit on the smp tomorrow. </p><p>Fuck it. She feels good. She came out to Tubbo. She fixed things with her friends. One stream as a boy is <em> not </em>the end of the world. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Things are looking up...?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Why does Google Docs always want to autocorrect Sapnap to Subpoena? </p>
<p>I wanted to let you all know that I think this will have something like 7 to 9 chapters. I've planned out a lot of what I want to happen next so it really just depends on how I want to split it all up into separate chapters. Updates might slow down a little bit because of University but I'll try my best!</p>
<p>Thanks again for all the kind words on previous chapters and thank you for reading!</p>
<p>-Cal</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It’s a <em> stupid </em> oversight. How could she have forgotten? Her fingers are <em> right there </em>. </p>
<p>She didn’t clean off her golden nail polish. </p>
<p>And now she’s doing a big, important lore stream. As TommyInnit. With golden fingernails. </p>
<p>Fucking hell. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Clementine cracks open her can of coke and greets the chat the same way she always does - loudly. She explains a bit of what she’s going to be doing today then jumps into a call with Tubbo and Sam. </p>
<p>She doesn’t notice that a few people in the chat have said something about gold nail polish, not until she takes another sip of her coke and her chat explodes. They’ve gotten confirmation that, yes, TommyInnit has nail polish on, and they aren’t going to let it go until Tommy explains.</p>
<p>Clem sees the chat and barely manages to hide her panic. She laughs nervously, “The nail polish? Oh. It’s- You see, boys…” what is she meant to say? She can barely think straight. </p>
<p>“Oh!” It’s Tubbo. “Have they seen your nails?”</p>
<p>Why does Tubbo sound so unconcerned? “They have,” Clem’s voice doesn’t crack. It <em> doesn’t </em>. </p>
<p>Tubbo laughs. What the fuck? “Tommy lost a bet, guys. They’re well done, though, his nails. Aren’t they? Do you like the colour? I picked it!”</p>
<p>Oh. Holy shit. Thank you, Tubbo.  </p>
<p>Yeah, coming out to Tubbo was a good idea. She’s really glad she has somebody else to talk to about these things. </p>
<p>Clem regains the control that had slowly been slipping from her fingers and plasters a big smile on her face. “And no, we aren’t going to tell you what the bet was!” She says. “And before anybody says something dumb, Big Men can wear nail polish too, so fuck off.”</p>
<p>Except she’s not a Big Man, is she? </p>
<p>She can’t help but smile when most of the chat starts complimenting her nail polish. She spent a lot of time learning how to paint her nails properly. Nail polish was actually something that helped her before she was comfortable enough to come out to her parents. She bought herself a little bottle of clear nail polish when she was first figuring things out, at Eret’s suggestion, and even though it wasn’t noticeable, it helped. She still sometimes wears the clear polish to college or during Tommy streams. </p>
<p>Closer to the end of the stream, she gets a message from Eret, who isn’t streaming today but has been part of the lore. There are other important streams coming up with them. ItsEmmy is meant to be part of those streams but Clem will have to see if she’s feeling up to it. She’s worried that people are still upset about the whole “fuck TommyInnit” thing, including much of the smp. She hasn’t let the others pass on her ‘cousin’ excuse yet, after all. </p>
<p>
  <b>Eret</b>
</p>
<p>I like your nails big woman!</p>
<p>:)</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The next day, she streams again, as ItsEmmy this time. She knows she won’t be able to keep up with streaming this often all the time, but she doesn’t want TommyInnit or ItsEmmy to have any huge absences. If it means streaming nearly every day of the week, every week, then so be it. </p>
<p>Wilbur, if he knew, would tell her that doing that isn’t healthy. Oh well, he doesn’t know.</p>
<p>Clem jumps on to her hardcore world, excited to tell her chat that Phil’s going to be joining a vc with her this stream. The chat seems a little unsure at first, probably because this is her first appearance since the whole debacle on Phil’s stream. Still, once Phil joins the call and it’s clear that things haven’t changed between them (even though Clem knows they sort of have, since he thinks she’s Tommy’s cousin), the chat picks up like it usually does. </p>
<p>“Philza Minecraft, do you have any tips for playing hardcore?”</p>
<p>“Well, I mean, don’t <em> die </em>.” </p>
<p>The stream goes well. Really well. Phil is fun to talk to and it’s especially nice to have somebody to chat with while she does a stream like this one, where she’s mostly just collecting resources.</p>
<p>At one point, they get to talking about makeup brands, of all things. Phil’s wife has opinions, apparently. Not only is it helpful - Clem learns more about eyeliner, somehow - it’s also very validating for some reason. So far, Clem has only really been able to talk about woman things with her mother. Her father tries, but he’s very out of his depth. The chat fills with ‘Dadza’, which is cool considering she’s Emmy, not Tommy. </p>
<p>Near the end of the stream, Emmmy_ almost dies to a baby zombie.</p>
<p>“That was way too close!” Clem breathes once she’s in the clear, her heart racing. “Phil! What the hell? Did you curse me?”</p>
<p>So yeah, it’s a good stream.</p>
<p>Clem ignores the people in her chat who’re fighting about her and Tommy. The mods will deal with them and she can thank them profusely for it later. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Clem is editing a video for her ItsEmmy channel when she gets a Discord message from Dream, asking Tommy to join a vc with him, Sapnap, Quackity, and Karl. None of them are streaming and they’ve got a favour to ask, apparently. Clem figures she might as well - it’s Friday and she doesn’t plan on releasing the video until Monday - and joins the call. </p>
<p>Thankfully, it seems like none of them are using cameras, probably to make Dream more comfortable. Clem is wearing one of her famous red and white shirts and a pair of plain blue jeans, which would be fine for them to see if it weren’t for the padded bra she’s got on underneath. She’s still getting used to wearing them but they help stave off the dysphoria a lot. </p>
<p>She’s also wearing some brick-red coloured lipstick, which isn’t super vibrant and goes well with her shirt. And, of course, her hair is still getting longer. It’s to the point where she can comb it out nicely but she can still floof it on top of her head to look more masculine during TommyInnit streams. </p>
<p>“Tommy! Hey,” Dream’s voice sounds through her headset. </p>
<p>“Hello boys,” she replies grandly. “What’s this favour you need of me?”</p>
<p>“Not really a favour,” Sapnap chuckles. </p>
<p>“We just wanted to know if you wanted to be part of my Jackbox stream tomorrow,” Karl says. </p>
<p>“George and Dream backed out last minute,” Quackity explains. </p>
<p>“Both of them?” Clem teases. “Assholes.”</p>
<p>“Hey, listen,” Dream butts in, “I’m doing something with my sister tomorrow. I have no idea what George is doing, though.”</p>
<p>“You do know you’ll have to be careful about what kinds of jokes you make, right?” Clem asks seriously. “Or you’ll get fucking cancelled or some shit.”</p>
<p>“You’ve got a video on your channel that involves <em> fussy </em>jokes, man,” Quackity laughs. </p>
<p>“But seriously, Tommy,” Sapnap says, “Ranboo and Purpled were always going to be part of the stream-”</p>
<p>“-and we’re inviting Tubbo, now, too,” Karl finishes. </p>
<p>This seems like it’ll be fun, actually, even if it involves being Tommy on the weekend. So, Clem agrees. Enthusiastically. With lots of arm movements, despite her camera being off.</p>
<p>She knocks over her water bottle.</p>
<p>Fortunately, it’s closed.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, it still falls onto her keyboard. In her mad scramble to catch it, for fear of it popping open and spilling, more keys on her keyboard - and mouse - get clicked.</p>
<p>Once she’s made sure the cap of the bottle is secure and she’s set it a bit farther from her elbows on her desk, Clem looks back up at her screen to apologize for the noise and-</p>
<p>Oh. </p>
<p>Fuck. </p>
<p><em> No </em>. </p>
<p>She can’t breathe. She can’t move. She can’t hear anything over the beating of her heart and the rush of blood to her ears. Her shirt feels too tight and her lips feel sticky and her hair is in her eyes and she <em> can’t breathe. </em></p>
<p>Her camera is on.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Aah I'm so sorry.</p>
<p>(Also, I'm thinking about writing a short prequel about Clem figuring out she's trans and going to Eret for help. Thoughts?)</p>
<p>-Cal</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Oh my goodness I am so sorry for the cliffhanger last chapter! </p><p>-Cal</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Quackity bursts out laughing. “Tommy, what the hell are you wearing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tommy, what?” Sapnap adds. “Is that lipstick?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um,” Dream says, his voice flat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Clem is so fucking frozen that she can’t even pull her usual shit and disconnect from the call. Her friends keep saying things. Asking questions. Laughing, maybe. Clem isn’t sure. She can’t focus. Their voices seem so far away. It’s like they’ve all moved ten paces back from their mics. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She does notice, however, when Karl snaps, “Guys!” silencing everyone else. Well shit, Karl is mad. At her? Probably. “Tommy,” Karl says, his voice much softer now, “Can you breathe with me? In, out in… that’s good, keep doing that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Huh. Had she been having a panic attack? She hadn’t noticed. She’s never had one before. Maybe that’s not what that was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright,” Karl says after a while. Clem’s breathing has finally evened and Karl’s voice sounds much clearer. “Are you okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” her voice cracks a bit as she responds. Karl - oh, he’s got his camera on now, too - purses his lips. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We won’t ask if you don’t want us to,” he tells her carefully. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. It’s…” she has to do this. For herself. “I’m trans.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh fuck,” Quackity gasps. Shit. What does that mean? Does he think- “I’m so sorry for laughing holy fuck.” Oh. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay, Big Q. You didn’t know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s not much of an excuse. I’m so sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are your pronouns, man?” Sapnap asks. “I mean, uh, ma’am?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Clem bursts out laughing, unable to contain it after the emotional rollercoaster with no seatbelts she’s just experienced. “She and her,” she says between breaths. More seriously, she adds, “thank you for asking.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you decided to use a different name?” Dream questions. Wow, her friends are handling this really well, actually. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, yeah. My parents and everyone else I’m out to call me Clementine. Clem, for short.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Everyone else you’re out to? Are you out to Emmy?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Um… what the fuck? “Why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If this is the reason she doesn’t like you, I’ll ban her from the smp.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Clem is damn lucky to know such supportive people. The elation she feels is incredible. It’s like she’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>flying</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Still, while what Dream just said is super sweet, it’s also </span>
  <em>
    <span>fucking hilarious</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Once again, Clem can’t hold back. She bursts into giggles.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Clementine?” Karl’s confused voice just sends her into another bout of laughter. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thankfully, she manages to calm herself down enough to say, “I’m Emmy. She’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>me</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>what</span>
  </em>
  <span>?!” Sapnap shouts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Here, hold on,” she adjusts her microphone, switching to the settings she uses when she streams as ItsEmmy. “See?” she says, her voice now higher. “I made ItsEmmy so I don’t have to come out on my TommyInnit channels before I’m ready to.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Quackity says something in Spanish, possibly a curse, possibly just an exclamation of wonder or realization. Then, in English, he says, “That’s why you never interact or stream at the same time!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Dude</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Dream says, “you started a rivalry with yourself.” A pause, “Wait, are you okay with </span>
  <em>
    <span>dude</span>
  </em>
  <span>?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dude is okay, but not,” she puts on a shitty American accent to say the next word, “</span>
  <em>
    <span>bro</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good to know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, who </span>
  <em>
    <span>are </span>
  </em>
  <span>you out to?” Karl asks. “Because, isn’t outing people without their permission a bad thing to do?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sapnap hums, “Oh, yeah, it is bad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just my parents, my doctor, Eret and Tubbo.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait, not the Sleepy Bois?” Quackity gasps.</span>
</p><p><span>Clem frowns. “No. I’m worried about what they’ll think.”</span><span><br/></span> <span>“How come?” Dream asks. “They love you.”</span></p><p>
  <span>“Exactly. What if they stop?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Impossible,” Karl says. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Impossible</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I agree with Karl on this one,” Sapnap says. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before Clem can say anything more, her mother calls from downstairs. Clem yells back, saying she’ll just be a moment, then says her goodbyes. There’s a chorus of “goodbye Clementine”s (which makes Clem grin more than she’ll admit to) and she disconnects. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her parents are in the kitchen, sitting at the table. Both of their chairs are turned to face hers. The only thing on the table is her father’s phone, the dark screen a striking contrast to the stark white table. Oh Jesus, why does this look like some sort of intervention? Or worse, she’s about to get some really shitty news. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s alright, Clementine,” her mother says before she’s even gotten to the table. “We’re just a bit confused, is all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Clem sits down. “Confused? About what?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her father picks up the phone, “Your friend Wilbur sent me a message just now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What? Why?” Wilbur has had her father’s number since Clem visited Brighton, just in case anything happened during the visit. As far as Clem knows, he hasn’t called or messaged her father at all. Not until now, at least. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s rather long,” her father hands her the now unlocked phone, “I believe it would be best if you were to just read it yourself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Clem bites her lip, taking the cell phone from her father’s hands. The message </span>
  <em>
    <span>is </span>
  </em>
  <span>long. She begins reading. Wilbur addressed it to both her parents, not just her father, using their full names and all. </span>
</p><p>
  <b>Wilbur Soot (Clem’s Friend)</b>
</p><p>
  <span>Hello. I would first like to make it clear that I am in no way trying to overstep any bounds. I am simply writing out of concern for my friend, who I am sure you know I see as my brother. It has come to my attention that he and another of our fellow streamers, ItsEmmy, are cousins. None of their viewers know of this fact and they all seem to have come to the conclusion that Tommy and Emmy do not like each other. In fact, the two of them have avoided interacting with each other altogether, and they never stream at the same time. Emmy also vocally expressed some dislike toward Tommy during someone else’s stream. The reason I am writing is because it seems that the two are under the impression that they are not allowed to get along due to the problems you seem to have with Emmy’s parents. I am not sure of the nature of your relationship with Emmy’s parents, and I will not presume to know what is going on, but I would like to let you know that this supposed need to dislike each other is putting a strain in both of their wellbeings. I hope that you may be able to come to some sort of compromise in which Tommy and Emmy may be allowed to interact positively while streaming (and while not, if they choose to build their relationship as cousins). </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Again, I hope I am not overstepping any bounds. I only want to do what is best for Tommy (and Emmy).</span>
</p><p>
  <span>All the best,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wilbur</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Clem looks up and her mother asks, “Have you finished reading it?” Clem nods. She’s still processing whatever the fuck it is she’s just read. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Honey,” her father says gently, “you don’t have a cousin named Emmy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And we get along fine with all of your aunts and uncles.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And the only Emmy we know who </span>
  <em>
    <span>streams</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” her mother gives her a meaningful look, “is you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Indeed, she is,” and then Clem bursts into tears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s too much. Everything is too much. Wilbur going all overprotective brother makes her want to feel so happy, but he’s also being an overprotective brother for </span>
  <em>
    <span>Tommy, </span>
  </em>
  <span>not </span>
  <em>
    <span>Clementine</span>
  </em>
  <span>. And the fact that she lied about having a cousin. Just because she’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>scared</span>
  </em>
  <span>? What the fuck was she thinking? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>What was she thinking when she made ItsEmmy in the first place? Is she really so scared to be herself that she can only do it when nobody can actually see her? When nobody really knows who she is? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And she wants to be herself so badly. She wants to start taking hormones without being afraid that people will notice a change in TommyInnit. She wants to come out to her friends. She wants to come out to the fucking world. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But she can’t.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She hates that she can’t.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But she’s scared. She’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>terrified</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, sweetheart,” her mother pulls her from her chair and wraps her in a hug, “it’s okay to be scared. You get to choose when you come out. You’re allowed to do it at whatever pace you want to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She’d been speaking out loud, Clem realizes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her parents lead her to the living room and sandwich her between them on the sofa. She shudders, sobbing desperately. Her parents just grip her tighter, muttering reassurances and validations.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When she’s near calm, her father meets her eyes. “Clementine, you have no obligations to come out. I can text your friend right now and tell him that I will speak with your aunt and uncle about letting you and Emmy interact more. However, I do believe that coming out - when you choose to do it - will be very good for you. Your mother and I both know that you struggle with dysphoria when you stream. We worry for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I- I know you do,” Clem stutters.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And we love you,” her mother adds.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not ready yet,” Clem says.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And that’s okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think I’m going to go to bed, now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright,” her father stands, and though he looks unsure, he helps her up as well, “remember that you can come to us with anything, alright?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” Clem starts for the stairs. Before she ascends, she turns back to her parents. “Can you tell Wilbur you’ll talk to my aunt and uncle?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That night, she lays in bed and she </span>
  <em>
    <span>thinks</span>
  </em>
  <span>. She thinks about Wilbur’s message. She thinks about accidentally outing herself to Dream, Sapnap, Karl, and Quackity. She thinks about how well they took it. How supportive they were. How considerate they were. She thinks about how they used her name, her </span>
  <em>
    <span>real </span>
  </em>
  <span>name. Clementine. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She thinks about Techno and Phil and Wilbur.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She thinks about what Dream said. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“They love you.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>She falls asleep.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Dream, Sapnap, Karl and Quackity aren’t transphobic, they’re just stupid. It’s okay, they figured it out eventually. </p><p>This chapter sort of got away from me near the end but I think it was necessary to show a little more of what Clem is feeling and the motivations behind her decisions. </p><p>Thanks for reading!</p><p>-Cal</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>See Endnotes for WARNINGS. They might contain spoilers but I still want to put them somewhere for those who may need/want them. </p>
<p>Thank you all for reading this! When I started writing this I wasn't even sure if I would post it or not, and I definitely wasn't sure if people would even like it! I'm really glad you do!</p>
<p>-Cal</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>A week after Wilbur texted her parents, a week after Clem had a breakdown, she’s ready. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Well, no, she’s ready to come out to Wilbur, but that’s it for now. There’s only so much emotional tension she can take. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She’s thought about it a lot. She’s also spent a lot of time talking with the people she is out to. Tubbo tells her that not only would Wilbur accept her, he would also physically fight anybody who said anything shitty about her. Eret agrees wholeheartedly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It’s nice having a few others who know, as well. The more people she has who are directly calling her Clementine, who are using she/her pronouns for her, the more confident she gets. It’s one thing for chat to call her a girl as ItsEmmy. She’s always a little disconnected from the chat. It’s an entirely different thing to feel the validation from her friends. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Clem has decided she’s doing it today. She’s coming out to Wilbur. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Only, she didn’t fully think it through, because she’s got a TommyInnit stream in half an hour so she can’t even dress the way she’s most comfortable in order to do this. She has to come out to Wilbur looking like masculine TommyInnit instead of like herself. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Oh well. It’s fine. She’ll push through.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>(Her newfound confidence is absolutely because of Tubbo, Eret, Quackity, Karl, Sapnap and Dream)</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She gets into a video call with Wilbur.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hello, Tommy,” her friend gives a small wave. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Big Man!” She exclaims. She’s a tad jittery, full of nervous energy. “How are you?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Doing well, Toms,” Wilbur replies. “Yourself?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Great… great,” Clem runs a hand through her hair and tries to compose herself a little. “I need to speak with you about something, Wilbur.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Alright,” Wilbur says attentively. “Wait, hold on. I think your mic is being weird, you sound different.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Clem had been worried about this happening since she started streaming as ItsEmmy, and she’s been lucky enough for it </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>to have happened. Until now, apparently, but it’s alright. She isn’t currently streaming and she’s coming out to Wilbur anyway. She might as well tell him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sorry, Wilbur. I forgot to change my mic’s settings back to normal from the settings I use when I’m filming or streaming as ItsEmmy.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There’s a long pause, then, “You </span>
  <em>
    <span>what</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” Well, alright, Wilbur sounds angry. “Tommy,” he says slowly, “please tell me you’re lying.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What? Why?” Clem lets out a nervous chuckle. She has no idea what’s going on, but she doesn’t like it. “Wilbur, I’m Emmy. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m a girl</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Here, hold on. I’ll message you as her.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Clem pulls out her phone to do it so he can watch her. She types out a quick message and sends it to him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Emmy</b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>See? I’m Emmy. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>:)</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The look on his face is… not good. Oh shit, Wilbur is so fucking angry. It’s like the time Clem broke into his office in Brighton. But so much worse. So much fucking worse. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <b>“</b>
  <span>Tommy!” Wilbur shouts. Clem flinches at the deliberate use of her deadname. “What the fuck? Are you telling me you’ve been </span>
  <em>
    <span>pretending </span>
  </em>
  <span>to be a girl this entire time? For what? To start some sort of feud with yourself? So you could…? Let me guess, get more likes? More attention?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wilbur-” Clem tries to say, voice straining. Tears are pricking at the corners of her eyes and she’s not sure how much longer she can keep them in.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No! Tommy! Listen, I was </span>
  <em>
    <span>worried </span>
  </em>
  <span>for you,” Wilbur continues to yell. “I sent a long message to your parents! I was so stressed about your family life, Toms. I was worried that Emmy legitimately didn’t like you! She said ‘fuck TommyInnit’ and I almost shouted at her then and there! Except that was you the entire time? You’ve caused me so much undue stress, Tommy! And now I find out it was all some… all some </span>
  <em>
    <span>fucking joke?</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I- Wil, that’s not what I was trying to do-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t want to hear it, Tommy,” Wilbur interrupts, his tone sharp, commanding. And then he hangs up on her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Clementine feels empty. She’s pretty sure she’s shivering. She’s definitely crying now. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>What’s worse, she can’t even get comfort from her parents right now. Neither of them are home. It’s their anniversary and Clem said she would be fine to stay home alone for one weekend. She’s a Big Woman, she had told them, she can take care of herself just fine for three days. Clearly, she was wrong.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Wilbur hates her. He hates her and he doesn’t accept her and he yelled at her and he told her she was </span>
  <em>
    <span>pretending</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She doesn’t know how long she sits there, in her chair, tears slowly falling, her breathing ragged. She only moves again because her Discord is blowing up with messages from Tubbo, telling her she was supposed to start her stream ten minutes ago. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fuck. Her stream. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She messages Tubbo back, telling him that she got caught up with schoolwork and that she’ll start her stream in five minutes. She can tell him what actually happened later. Right now, she can’t dwell on it, not if she wants to look at least semi-composed during her stream. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Five minutes later, after she’s gone to the bathroom to wipe the tear tracks from her face, she starts her TommyInnit stream. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sorry for being late, boys!” She exclaims, trying to sound positive despite her pinched smile. “Got distracted! Welcome!” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The stream is not going well. In fact, it’s going exceptionally poorly. The chat has picked up on the fact that </span>
  <em>
    <span>something </span>
  </em>
  <span>is wrong. There are three more prominent theories circulating.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The first is that she’s exhausted. She supposes this one might be true, if emotional exhaustion counts.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The second is that she’s ill. She certainly feels a little light-headed, and it’s not because of low blood-pressure. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The third and most controversial theory is that she’s jealous. Jealous of Emmy, to be specific, because Emmy has been spending so much time with Dadza. In the time since her first hardcore Minecraft stream with Phil, she’s streamed with him twice more, both as ItsEmmy. It’s been some time since TommyInnit has done anything (publicly) with Ph1LzA. People really can’t get over the rivalry, can they? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Clem gets why they figured out something was up so quickly. She knows that her hair, which is usually expertly styled to look as masculine as possible, is a tangled mess that’s falling down into her eyes. She knows that she’s been having trouble focusing on the events of the stream, that she keeps asking Tubbo to repeat things. She knows her energy is down, that she’s not making as many jokes as usual, that she’s quieter than usual. She’s well aware of the fact that she barely caught it when Tubbo was having trouble reading something. That she let her friend struggle for just a little bit too long. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Barely an hour in, she gets a Discord message from Tubbo. She checks it as subtly as she can.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Tubbo</b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Clem my chat is telling me you’re ill</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Or tired</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Are you okay?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <b>Clementine</b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I’m fine</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I might end stream early</span>
</p>
<p>
  <b>Tubbo</b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ok.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Do what you think is best</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Clem makes a show of gasping loudly and looking directly into her camera. “Oh no,” she says, widening her eyes. “I’ve just remembered I have an essay due in a couple of hours.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tubbo bursts out laughing, and if Clem didn’t know him so well, she would actually believe it to be real. “Have you even started it?” her friend asks, playing along.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fuck. Fuck. Oh shit,” she plays up her panic. The chat is having a field day with this turn of events. “I’ve got to go. I’ve got to end the stream. I’m so sorry, boys. Thank you all for watching. Goodbye!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She ends the steam abruptly, disconnecting from her call with Tubbo. Hopefully, it’s a believable excuse. She’s been in a similar situation before, except that time she actually </span>
  <em>
    <span>had </span>
  </em>
  <span>forgotten about an assignment. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She leans back in her chair, letting out a breath. She’s about to get up when she gets a notification. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It’s a message from Technoblade.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Techno</b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Call?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>This </span>
  </em>
  <span>is an interesting turn of events. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hello?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hi, Tommy,” Techno’s familiar voice says. “Are you doing alright?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What? Of course!” She lies quickly. A bit </span>
  <em>
    <span>too </span>
  </em>
  <span>quickly. “Why’re you asking?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I was watching your stream, Tommy. Are you sure you’re alright?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m fine, Technoblade,” then, “Why the </span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck </span>
  </em>
  <span>were you watching my stream?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wilbur called me,” cold dread seeps into Clem’s entire being. No. Wilbur… he </span>
  <em>
    <span>wouldn’t</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Would he? “Do you mind explaining to me why Wilbur just spent several minutes ranting to me about you pretending to be a girl?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And then, suddenly, the dread turns to rage. How </span>
  <em>
    <span>dare</span>
  </em>
  <span> Wilbur. How </span>
  <em>
    <span>dare </span>
  </em>
  <span>he say that she’s pretending to be a </span>
  <em>
    <span>girl </span>
  </em>
  <span>when she’s spent so much time, so many hours </span>
  <em>
    <span>live </span>
  </em>
  <span>for the world to see, pretending to be a fucking </span>
  <em>
    <span>boy</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She tells as much to Techno, finishing off with, “And then he turns and immediately tells someone </span>
  <em>
    <span>without my fucking permission?</span>
  </em>
  <span> He </span>
  <em>
    <span>outs </span>
  </em>
  <span>me behind my back?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Breathing heavily, she barely hears Techno’s next words. “Wait, Tommy, what do you mean? Pretending to be a boy? Outing you?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m fucking trans, Techno, what did you not get? Wilbur already told you,” she snaps. “You know, I thought Wilbur would be supportive. He always is online. During his streams and shit. I guess it was all just a fucking act.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She disconnects from the call before she can hear Techno say the same shit Wilbur said to her. Fuck them. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry oh my god. </p>
<p>(Also, yes, Tubbo definitely has the braincell at the moment.)</p>
<p>WARNINGS: Miscommunication leads to what may or may not be an incredibly huge amount of transphobia (it is, at least, perceived as transphobia by Clem, for clarification). Stay safe please!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Yes, I'm posting two chapters in a day. This one feels sort of 'filler' so I figured I might as well.</p>
<p>We're nearing the end! I'm almost done writing chapter 8 but I haven't decided if this'll be 9 or 10 chapters long in total. My original plan was nine but I'm not sure if my plans for the end will all fit into one chapter, so we'll see. </p>
<p>Thank you again to everybody for reading this! I still can't believe that people like it so much! </p>
<p>-Cal</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The silence left behind after she hangs up on Techno is excruciating. She just wants to curl up in bed and cry. No, she wants to curl up with her </span>
  <em>
    <span>parents </span>
  </em>
  <span>and cry. And she can’t even be mad at them for being gone! It was practically her idea for them to leave her here alone! </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fuck. She needs to talk to somebody. Someone she’s out to. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She goes through the small list. Eret and Tubbo are both streaming. So is Quackity. She knows that Dream and Sapnap (and George, but she isn’t out to him yet) are filming a manhunt right now. She can’t remember if Karl said he was filming something with Mr. Beast today or tomorrow. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She doesn’t realize what she’s doing until she’s already done it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She’s calling Phil.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She’s calling his cell phone with her own. He only gave her that number for </span>
  <em>
    <span>emergencies</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She’s not out to Phil.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>This seems like an emergency.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck it</span>
  </em>
  <span>. She’s already out to Wilbur and Techno, she might as well get all of SBI. And she should tell Phil before Wilbur gets the chance to. She can come out to Phil on her own terms.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Tommy?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Phil?” she’s still riled up from her call with Techno, and the second Phil’s name is out of her mouth, she gasps out a sob. She can hear Phil trying to get her attention but she can’t hold it in anymore. She cries and she screams in anger and frustration and agony, and when she’s done and her throat hurts and Phil is all but shouting at her to </span>
  <em>
    <span>talk </span>
  </em>
  <span>to him, </span>
  <em>
    <span>please, </span>
  </em>
  <span>she says, “Phil, I’m trans. I’m a girl,” and then she falls silent, save for her heavy, ragged breathing. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay,” Phil says gently. “Alright.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“My name’s Clementine,” she whispers.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, Clementine,” Phil’s voice is still soft, quiet, “I need to know, are you safe right now?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I- yes. I’m in my room,” her voice is raspy and she winces at how dry it is. She grabs her water bottle and downs the rest of it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good,” Phil says. “You know I love you, right? This doesn’t change anything.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Really?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course, Clementine. I know it sort of started as just a bit, but I do really see you as somewhat of a s- daughter. You being transgender doesn’t change the fact that I care about you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh,” Clem says, her voice small.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I just- I thought it would be the same with Wilbur,” her lip quivers, “but I was wrong.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What?” Phil’s voice has gone cold and Clem nearly recoils. “Is that why you were so upset when you first called me?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Clem hums in confirmation. She doesn’t trust herself enough to not start crying again if she says it out loud. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Clementine,” Phil says. His warmth has returned. “do you have anybody you can talk to or be with right now?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Just you. My parents are out. Everyone else is streaming or filming.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Alright. Would you like to stay on call with me?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If you can?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course,” Phil says. “Now, when was the last time you ate anything? Do you want to get a snack?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Phil stays on call with her for a while. Clem sits at her table with some biscuits and tea (it’s not as good as when her father makes it, but it’s tea nonetheless) and Phil tells her he’s doing the same. They just sit and chat on speakerphone and slowly, Clem’s mind calms down, even if it’s just a little bit. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We should stream together sometime,” Phil says at one point, after Clem has finished her tea and biscuits. She’s sitting on her bed, wrapped in a warm blanket. “It’s been a while.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Clem lets out a small giggle. “We’ve actually streamed together, like, three times in the last week.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh my god,” Phil says, awed, “you’re Emmy?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yep.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She explains her reasoning behind making ItsEmmy. Then it spirals and she spills everything. She tells him about how difficult it’s been maintaining both TommyInnit and ItsEmmy. She tells him about how the rivalry rumours seemed kind of funny at first, but that things got bad when she said “fuck TommyInnit”. She tells him about Eret being helpful and coming out to Tubbo and accidentally outing herself to Karl, Quackity, Dream, and Sapnap. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And Phil listens. And he offers to help her if editing for ItsEmmy becomes too much. And he tells her that he’ll always support her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She falls asleep that night to the sound of Phil talking about getting his wife to send Clem some of her favourite makeup brands. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Clem wakes up - late, it’s nearly noon - to several messages on her phone. Some are from Eret, clearly sent when they were still streaming, just asking if she’s okay. The rest are from Tubbo. They go from during his stream, where he’s just telling her to get well soon, to this morning, where it seems like he’s frantically trying to get her to call him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She sits up in bed, leaning back against her headboard, and hits call. It doesn’t even ring once before Tubbo picks up. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Clementine!” he shouts. “Are you okay?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What? Yes,” Clem thinks for a second. “I mean, mostly.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Alright,” Tubbo says, calmer now. “I- Don’t be mad at him, but Phil told me what happened. With Wilbur, I mean.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Clem’s not mad at Phil. He went to somebody who she’s already out to </span>
  <em>
    <span>and </span>
  </em>
  <span>he picked her best friend. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m so sorry, Clem,” Tubbo continues. “He’s an arse.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Clem’s laugh is hollow. “He is.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And, uh, don’t be mad at me,” What? “But I may have called Wilbur and yelled at him. For a rather long time. And then I hung up before he could answer me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Clem’s heart swells, the happiness nearly overwhelming. She almost wants to cry. Tubbo is the best friend she could ever ask for. She wishes she could hug him right now. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you, Tubbo.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You shouldn’t have to thank me,” Tubbo says. Clem can practically see the frown on his face. “Wilbur should never have-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tubbo cuts himself off and Clem understands. Of all the people that could have had a bad reaction, she never expected </span>
  <em>
    <span>Wilbur</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, I need to eat,” Clem says, changing the subject. “Stay on call?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sure. I’ve been thinking of streaming more Tekkit or maybe doing a Tekkit Youtube series,” Tubbo says, catching on quickly. “Thoughts?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They talk for a while, but eventually, Tubbo has to go. He’s doing something with his family today. Once the call has ended, Clem hops into the shower. She’s happy to realize that, when her hair is wet, it nearly reaches her shoulders. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When she’s done, she puts on a padded bra and a dress. It’s a new dress, mint green and flowy. It hits just above her knees and when she twirls, the skirt of it fans out. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Next, she does her makeup. She’s still not the best at it but she can do eyeshadow without it looking like a bruise now, so that’s a win. Today, she spends the time following a Youtube video on how to do a peach smokey eye with the new pallet that ‘mysteriously’ turned up in the mail a few days ago. (It was definitely a joint effort between Quackity and Karl. They kept messaging her about what colours she thinks go with her eyes). It turns out alright, she thinks. She’ll have to practice more. She finishes it off with a nude-pink lipstick. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Looking in her mirror, she smiles. She looks good. She exudes Big Woman energy. She’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>pretty</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She’s doing some college homework at the kitchen table when there’s a knock on the front door. She jumps up. Maybe it’s the boots she ordered online! She hesitates for a second. She’s in a dress and makeup. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It’s fine. The postman is probably already at the next house by now. Clem heads to the door, swings it open-</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>-and promptly slams it back into the person on the other side’s face.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Wilbur</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Dadza and Tubbest Friend to make your day better.</p>
<p>Also I used google images to find references for dresses so if you want to see sort of what I was envisioning for Clem's dress this chapter: </p>
<p>https://www.pinterest.ca/pin/225954106291290880/ </p>
<p>(Clem's dress is just a little shorter than the one in the image but not by a lot, and I imagined the neckline to be a little rounder but other than that the image is accurate to my imagination)</p>
<p>-Cal</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry it took so long to update! I had work today so I actually handwrote a lot of this chapter at work and then I copied it onto my laptop afterward. I hope you all enjoy the chapter! I think the next one might end up being the last, but I'm going to keep this at out of '?' until I've fully written it, just in case it ends up being really long.</p><p>-Cal</p><p>edit: realized just now that I didn't have the "TommyInnit &amp; Phil" relationship tag. How did I go this long without noticing???</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Holy shit. What the fuck is </span>
  <em>
    <span>Wilbur </span>
  </em>
  <span>doing at her </span>
  <em>
    <span>house</span>
  </em>
  <span>? Did he seriously come all this way just to yell at her some more? Clem wants to run. To hide. To leave this plane of existence, maybe. But she’s frozen, staring at the door. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There’s another knock. Through the door, Clem hears Wilbur’s voice call, “Clementine? Please open the door. I need to speak to you. I fucked up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>No really, what the hell is going on?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then Clem processes that Wilbur just called her </span>
  <em>
    <span>Clementine</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He used her real name. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She opens the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wilbur looks like shit. It doesn’t seem like he slept at all last night, if the bags under his eyes have anything to say about it. His hair is a mess, too, and Clem is pretty sure his jumper is inside-out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She steps aside, a silent invitation to come inside. He does, not meeting her eyes. She leads him to the kitchen and leans back against the counter. Wilbur stands awkwardly in the doorway. Clem doesn’t trust herself to speak, so she waits for Wilbur to say something. He catches on and opens his mouth, only to snap it shut again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Taking a deep breath, Wilbur says, “Clementine, I am so fucking sorry for how I reacted yesterday. I misunderstood what you were trying to tell me, but that’s no excuse. Even if I hadn’t misunderstood, I shouldn’t have shouted at you. I’m truly sorry, Clementine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What- what do you mean when you say that you misunderstood?” Clementine can feel her hopes rising and she tries to stop them, but it’s hard. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I- I didn’t realize you were coming out to me,” Wilbur says. He looks like he’s about to cry. “I thought- I don’t know what I thought, but it wasn’t what I was meant to think, and I apologize for that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Clem tries to hold in her tears. She doesn’t want to fuck up her makeup. “You didn’t realize? So when you said-” her voice shakes, “when you said I was </span>
  <em>
    <span>pretending</span>
  </em>
  <span>, you-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wilbur’s eyes widen and snap up to meet hers. “Fuck. I said that, didn’t I?” he steps further into the room, moving closer to her. “That’s not at all true, okay Clementine? You are </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>pretending. You’re a girl, and I fully support you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Clem isn’t sure how she moves so quickly. One moment, she’s standing against her kitchen counter. The next, she’s wrapping her arms around Wilbur as tightly as she can. Fuck her makeup. She can cry all she wants. It takes a moment, but Wilbur’s arms eventually wrap themselves around her. He seems unsure at first, but his hold gets tighter fairly quickly and soon he’s holding her as she sobs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>so </span>
  </em>
  <span>sorry, Clementine,” Wilbur says, rubbing circles onto her back. “I love you. You’re my little sister, nothing will ever change that. I promise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Clementine finally composes herself, she gently pulls away from the hug, stepping back a little. When she finally looks at Wilbur again, she sees that he’s been crying, too. Wilbur takes a deep, shaky breath.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s a really nice dress,” he nods to her outfit, voice watery. “It suits you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You think so?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Absolutely.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you,” Clem’s smile is full and bright. After yesterday, she was worried she might never smile like this again. “And I, uh, I think you’re jumper,” her smile turns to a smirk, “is inside out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wilbur looks down and gasps. “Bloody hell,” he tugs at the jumper. Clem laughs. “You little shit.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They end up sitting down for tea at the kitchen table. Clem is suddenly rather tired. Wilbur, who has fixed his jumper, keeps apologizing over and over again and eventually, Clem has to tell him to “please stop, oh my god Wilbur, I forgive you,” with a roll of her eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You shouldn’t,” Wilbur mumbles.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why not?” Clem gives him a hard look.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What I said to you-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Isn’t what I thought it was, Wilbur.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, listen Clementine,” Wilbur clasps his hands in front of himself on the table. “You’ve told me before that you sometimes worry that people will think you’re only in this - streaming and such - for the attention, and I used that against you. I thought exactly what you don’t want people to think about you. I may not have been </span>
  <em>
    <span>transphobic</span>
  </em>
  <span>, but it was still wrong of me, what I did.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re going to make me cry again,” Clem tries to joke. She sighs when it doesn’t land and stares Wilbur down. “I understand why you might have been mad. It’s my fault for not explaining everything clearly.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, it’s not.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, it </span>
  <em>
    <span>is</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Wilbur gives her a look so she just shrugs. “Whatever. That’s not the point. What I’m trying to say is it was a misunderstanding and you felt lied to. And me making light of what you thought was some big conspiracy probably didn’t help.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“People really don’t give you enough credit for how intelligent you are,” Wilbur says, taking a sip of his tea. “But it doesn’t matter whether or not I was in the right to be angry. I never should have yelled at you and I should have given you a chance to speak.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Clem doesn’t know what to say.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I also want to apologize for accidentally outing you to Techno,” Wilbur says. “And don’t say some shit about it not being my fault because I ‘didn’t know’. Let me apologize, Clementine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, then don’t say some shit about how I shouldn’t forgive you when I tell you this,” Clem grins a little and thankfully, Wilbur gives a small, shy smile back. “I accept your apology. Apologies. Let’s- let’s move on now, maybe?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, alright,” Wilbur runs a hand through his hair and takes a breath. “Your makeup is really cool, by the way. It’s very well done.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh. Thank you,” Clem is somewhat doubtful. She’s sure her crying session ruined it, at least a little. “I just followed a tutorial. MotherInnit taught me how to do more neutral looks but she doesn’t know how to use much colour.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I bet Niki would be willing to teach you some things,” Wilbur says. “Not that you have to come out to her! I just meant-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I  know!” Clem giggles. “I know what you meant.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right. Good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I- I didn’t say it earlier,” Clem grows serious, “when you told me you saw me like a sister, but I do see you like a brother, Wilbur. I really do,” she sucks in a breath and exhales quickly. “Now, speaking of makeup, I’m just going to go fix mine up, if you don’t mind.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She also needs a second to just breathe. She thought she’d lost Wilbur, lost her brother, for good, but now here he is in her kitchen, smiling at her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, no, of course. Go ahead. I’ll finish my tea.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her makeup isn’t actually as bad as she thought it would be. Her lipstick is still perfect, of course, so all she has to do is re-blend some of her foundation and touch up her eyeshadow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As she approaches the kitchen again, she hears… yelling? Stepping through the doorway, she sees Wilbur pacing frantically back and forth. He’s on the phone, his tea left forgotten on the table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No- listen!” Wilbur tries to say. Whoever is on the other side of that call is </span>
  <em>
    <span>loud</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Clem can’t make out any of what they’re saying, but she can tell that whoever it is, they’re shouting. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just hold on-” Wilbur gets cut off abruptly. He winces, then tries again. “Please, let me ex-” Wilbur runs a hand through his hair, tugging it slightly, while the shouting continues on the other end of the phone. “Wait, no I- please - but I-” he sees Clem and shrugs helplessly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Clem moves closer and- that sounds like Dream. What the hell? She reaches her hand out, silently communicating to Wilbur to give her the phone. He frowns and shakes his head. She tries again, quickly whispering “give it!” Wilbur puts a hand up, probably trying to tell her that it’s fine, but she just rolls her eyes, stalks up to him, and grabs the phone from his hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bringing the phone up to her ear, she hears Dream say, “-you motherfucker!” and then the other side of the call falls silent. Glancing at Wilbur with a raised eyebrow yields no answers, because Wilbur is just staring at his empty hand in shock. Jesus christ. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Men</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um… Dream?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait- Clementine?!” Oh. And that’s Sapnap. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes? What are you two doing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Clem, are you safe?” Dream asks urgently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes? Guys seriously, what’s going on?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We just saw the group chat,” Sapnap says. “Tubbo and Phil explained what Wilbur did.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We got pissed,” Dream adds. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So… you called to yell at him?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” Dream says at the same time that Sapnap says, “Exactly!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh. That’s really nice of you, actually,” Clem is touched. “But everything’s okay. It was all a misunderstanding.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure?” Dream asks, suspicious.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Clem laughs. “Yes, I’m sure.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, uh,” Sapnap clears his throat, “I guess we should probably apologize to Wilbur.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, here, I’ll put you on speakerphone,” she does just that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wilbur?” Dream says.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry about that,” he tells Wilbur.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, sorry bro,” Sapnap says. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no it’s alright,” Wilbur steps closer to the phone. “I’m glad, actually, that you’d do that for Clementine. And you’re not the first, anyway. Techno, Phil, and Tubbo all had a go at me, too. It’s how I realized I’d completely misunderstood the situation. Eret almost shouted at me as well, until I explained.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Clem and Wilbur spend a moment explaining what </span>
  <em>
    <span>actually </span>
  </em>
  <span>went down. Dream and Sapnap agree to explain everything to the others. Just as they’re about to hang up, Clem remembers something Sapnap had said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait, group chat? What group chat?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dream cackles. “It’s called ‘Destroy the Transphobes’.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then he hangs up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The smile doesn’t leave Clementine’s face for the rest of the night. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Also, I might end up writing a Wilbur POV of the last couple of chapters! We'll see, though. I'm coming up on uni midterms so once the final chapter(s) of this are out, the prequel and Wilbur POV may not be done for a while. </p><p>Thanks again for reading! </p><p>-Cal</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is it! The last chapter! Enjoy!</p>
<p>-Cal</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Techno calls the next morning. Clem apologizes to him for shouting at him without letting him speak, which is what Wilbur had done to her. She knows now, looking back, that if she had just let him speak, she would have found out sooner that Wilbur had no idea she had been coming out to him. Techno would have been able to tell her that it had all been a misunderstanding. She shouldn’t have shouted at him, Techno had just been confused. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Clementine, you don’t need to be sorry for that,” Techno says. “You had just gone through something awful, even if it wasn’t what you thought it was. You had a right to be upset. And anyway, I probably wouldn’t have been able to say much else to you anyway. I was furious at Wilbur. I called him back and yelled at him the second you hung up on me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So, we’re okay then?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What do you mean? Of course we are.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I mean, ‘cause I’m, you know…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Because you’re trans? Clementine, of course we’re okay. I’m part of the group chat, now.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Can I be part of the group chat?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No comment.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wha- Techno!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Listen, Clem, I gotta go. Just know that I love and support you, okay?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They end the call. Clem makes her way downstairs for breakfast. Wilbur is already awake, making eggs in the kitchen. He spent the night on the couch. Clem asked him to stay so she could make sure yesterday was real when she woke up. Seeing him smile at her and offer her some eggs while asking about those new boots she mentioned proves it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>If it takes a while for Clem to let go of the hug she gives Wilbur before he heads back home that afternoon, well, nobody has to know. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She doesn’t really consider coming out to anybody else until the day her doctor tells her she can start hormones soon. It’s a few months after Wilbur apologized. The doctor tells her that she might even be able to start within the next week. The second she gets home from the doctor, Clementine excitedly relates the news to everybody she’s out to.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They’re all excited for her, and they end up joining a vc together to talk about it and celebrate a little. It had been a long process, getting to this point, and she’s glad she’s had immense amounts of support from her friends and family. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But through all the excitement, she remembers one thing. She’s a streamer. She plays video games live in front of thousands. She has </span>
  <em>
    <span>millions </span>
  </em>
  <span>of eyes on her, constantly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And people will notice.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And people will talk.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And rumours will spread.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She knows a lot about rumours. The rivalry between TommyInnit and ItsEmmy is still the talk of a huge portion of </span>
  <em>
    <span>both </span>
  </em>
  <span>of their followers. The ‘two’ of them only really address it to tell people to stop talking about it, but all that seems to do is make it worse. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Wilbur says they could always ‘do a Youtube video together’ to show that they can get along. Techno and Eret think it’s a pretty good idea. Phil is a little skeptical, considering it’ll be incredibly difficult and involves a lot of pre-recording Emmy’s voice. Tubbo and Quackity say they can help with the recordings and sounds if she ever chooses to do it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But maybe, instead of doing that, instead of continuing to be two different people, maybe she could… </span>
  <em>
    <span>come out</span>
  </em>
  <span>. To everyone. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dream and Wilbur have already spoken about what will happen with her two smp characters if she ever does choose to come out. Since the two characters really haven’t ever been seen together and have never been on the smp at the same time, Clem goes with the storyline option of ‘Emmy is Tommy in disguise because Tommy is trans and doesn’t want to tell anybody yet.’ </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Clem thinks maybe it’s time to get that storyline rolling. She has a ton of friends who support her, she’s going to start hormones soon, and she’s tired of being </span>
  <em>
    <span>TommyInnit</span>
  </em>
  <span>. She’s gotten used to her friends and family using her real name and pronouns. She’s ready for </span>
  <em>
    <span>everybody </span>
  </em>
  <span>to do the same. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>First, though, she decides to come out to the rest of the members of the smp. That way, if anybody isn’t supportive, Dream can, as the man himself said, “ban the fuck out of them.” Eret doubts anybody will be unsupportive, considering how supportive everyone is of them. It eases a bit of Clem’s worry. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She does it on Discord because, well, it’s the easiest way to get the information out to everybody at once. There’s a group that every member of the smp is part of so it won’t be difficult to message everyone at once.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>TommyInnit</b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I’m going to be doing a stream about this soon but I thought I’d let you all know first.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Clem takes a deep breath, then changes her name in the chat.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>ClemInnit</b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I’m trans! I go by Clementine or Clem and my pronouns are she/her</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And ItsEmmy/Emmmy_ and I aren’t actually enemies! We’re the same person!!! </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Wilbur is first to respond. He confirms that yes, Emmy and Clem are the same person and then he threatens anybody who may have a problem with Clem being trans. After that, more messages pour in. They’re all positive and supportive. Nobody misgenders her or uses the wrong name. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Clem takes the opportunity to ask for makeup tips and the other women in the chat jump to help her. Clem ends up getting added to a group chat just so they can give her any advice she might need. It’s really sweet and Clem is excited to start branching out her makeup abilities. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Some people do freak out about her secretly being ItsEmmy but none of the messages about it are negative. Mostly, everybody is just completely surprised. And proud, too, actually, because-</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Ranboo</b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Woah how did you manage channels for ‘two separate people’ and not die???</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>When the messages of support die down and Clem finally logs off, she feels amazing. She did it! She actually came out! And it went well, too! </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She doesn’t know why she was so worried. Well, no, she does, but she realizes now that she didn’t need to be. Eret would tell her that it’s okay that she was worried, nonetheless, and she gets that, but she knows now that she could have come out much sooner. And she probably could have avoided a lot of drama if she had, what with the whole rivalry with herself and all. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But she actually did it! That’s what matters. She came out and all of her friends still love her. She’s so high on happiness that she goes to bed that night without worrying about the stream she’s going to do tomorrow. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She’s worrying now, that’s for sure. She tweeted it out on ItsEmmy’s Twitter first, because it’s going to be her stream. She uses her TommyInnit Twitter account to retweet it with a caption.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>TommyInnit @tommyinnit</b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>important stream go watch her she hates me</span>
</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <b>Emmmy @ItsEmmy</b>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>Addressing the rivalry!!!! Streaming soon on twitch.tv</span>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Okay so she couldn’t help herself. It </span>
  <em>
    <span>is </span>
  </em>
  <span>the perfect way to pull viewers, and the stream </span>
  <em>
    <span>will </span>
  </em>
  <span>include addressing the Tommy vs. Emmy thing. Just… not in the way Clem is sure her viewers are expecting. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>SBI, Tubbo, and Eret are in a call with her as she sets up the stream. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I cannot believe that I am about to do this,” Clem says, staring at the button that says </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘start stream’</span>
  </em>
  <span>. All she has to do is click it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You don’t have to if you don’t feel comfortable,” Phil reminds her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know, but I </span>
  <em>
    <span>want </span>
  </em>
  <span>to,” she tells him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do what you think is best for you,” Eret adds.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Clem smiles a little. “I will.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She’s wearing a red dress with white polka dots. Underneath is a new padded bra that’s more comfortable than some of her other ones. Makeup-wise, she tried a golden smokey-eye which turned out incredibly, if you ask her. This time, she’s also got some moderately good eyeliner! Niki walked her through doing it this morning. Red lipstick and golden nail polish add to the look. It’s the same nail polish Tubbo had picked out for her all those months ago.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>To round it all off, Clem combed out her hair instead of floofing it atop her head. In the past few months, it’s been harder and harder to hide the fact that it’s been getting longer. Her last few streams as TommyInnit, she actually wore a winter hat, claiming it to be too cold in her room. Now, combed out, it sits just at her shoulders. It’s not exactly </span>
  <em>
    <span>curly</span>
  </em>
  <span>, but it </span>
  <em>
    <span>is </span>
  </em>
  <span>wavy and thick. Her mother says Clem got blessed with good hair. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Alright,” Clem announces, “I think I’m ready.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay! Good luck!” Tubbo says enthusiastically. “We’re all here for you!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We are,” Techno agrees.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’ve got this, Big Woman!” Eret tells her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We’ll make sure anybody who says anything stupid gets banned,” Phil tells her. They’re all mods for this stream, in addition to some of the other mods ItsEmmy has. “And we’ll make sure they get banned from your ClemInnit channels as well.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you,” she says sincerely. They respond with </span>
  <em>
    <span>of course </span>
  </em>
  <span>and </span>
  <em>
    <span>you’re welcome</span>
  </em>
  <span> and general positivity, and then they all go on deafen. All except for Wilbur. Clem raises an eyebrow. This seems planned.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Clementine?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wilbur.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re going to do great.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course I am,” Clem jokes. “I’m a Big Woman. I always do well.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Wilbur chuckles. “You do,” he says seriously. “I’m really proud of you, you know.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wil, you’re going to make me cry. I’ll ruin my makeup!” she laments. She’s grinning, though.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t cry! I’m almost done,” he says. “I just wanted to tell you that I love you, okay? I’m glad to have you as a little sister.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey! I’m not </span>
  <em>
    <span>little</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Clem’s smile is bright. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hello everyone!” Clem greets as viewers roll in. There are a lot of them, probably because of the TommyInnit tweet. She’s nervous. She waits a little longer as the viewer count continues to rise. She double checks her mic settings one last time, then starts. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“This is going to be a bit of a serious stream, if you didn’t realize that already,” she says. “There have been quite a few rumours going around about myself and TommyInnit. I just wanted to say… they’re all true. I hate that guy. What a dick!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She laughs. “I’m kidding! I’m kidding, but seriously, I do want to talk about that. First though… first,” she takes a deep breath, “I want to come out. I’m transgender. I use she and her pronouns, and my real name is Clementine. Emmy is just the nickname I chose to use for my channels. That’s important because… because-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She hesitates for a moment. Is she really about to do this? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yes. She is. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She turns on her camera. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Because I want you to know who I really am. Hello boys!” she waves. “Like I said, my name is Clementine. I use she and her pronouns. This is my last stream as ItsEmmy because once the stream ends, I’ll change all of my TommyInnit channels to ClemInnit and stick to streaming and posting videos on those channels.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She takes a quick glance at the chat and- oh. She can’t help the smile that spreads across her lips. The trans flag emote is going strong. The chat is also filled with hearts and words of support. She knows her mods are curbing any of the transphobic comments but it doesn’t seem to be impacting the velocity of the chat at all. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A donation comes in with a question: </span>
  <b>I love your dress!!! Can we see a twirl?</b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Clem grins, pushing back her chair and standing up. “Hell yes, you can see a twirl. Oh and look! This dress has pockets!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And the stream continues.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And Clementine is happy. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Wow! I can't believe it's over! I really hope you all liked that ending! </p>
<p>I want to thank everybody again for reading this. When I first started writing it, I never could have imagined the kind of reception it would get. I am so grateful. I don't think I can express how much I appreciate it! Before writing this, I was losing faith in my ability to write. I had hit a block that I didn't believe I could overcome. Writing this and seeing that people actually enjoyed it helped me so much! So thank you, truly, for giving this book a chance.</p>
<p>Stay tuned for a prequel and a Wilbur POV. I do want to write those but I'm not sure when I will have the time to do it! They will be written eventually, though!</p>
<p>Thank you all again,</p>
<p>-Cal</p>
<p>EDIT: 02/03/2021</p>
<p>Just a small edit to let you know that the Wilbur POV is now up and the prequel will be posted within the next couple of days! </p>
<p>Also: mintmoonstone wrote a work inspired by this on Wattpad! You can find it <a href="https://www.wattpad.com/story/260008306-i-fucked-up">here.</a></p>
        </blockquote><div class="children module" id="children">
  <b class="heading">Works inspired by this one:</b>
  <ul>
    <li>
        <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29209911">All Her Doubts Were Someone Else’s Point of View</a> by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Weird_bean_Luna/pseuds/Weird_bean_Luna">Weird_bean_Luna</a>
    </li>
    <li>
        <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29234214">Does he deserve to be forgiven?</a> by Anonymous
    </li>
    <li>
        <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29227872">I can feel ghosts and ghouls wrapping my head (but I dont wanna fall asleep just yet)</a> by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/arson1st/pseuds/arson1st">arson1st</a>
    </li>
    <li>
        <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29723457">Double life</a> by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Parkerluck/pseuds/Parkerluck">Parkerluck</a>
    </li>
    <li>
        <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29854914">The Strawberry Dress</a> by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/middaysky0613/pseuds/middaysky0613">middaysky0613</a>
    </li>
    <li>
        <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29855205">~clementine~</a> by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/SlushiesAndDepression/pseuds/SlushiesAndDepression">SlushiesAndDepression</a>
    </li>
    <li>
        <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30529977">lesbianinnit</a> by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinceisawsunlight/pseuds/sinceisawsunlight">sinceisawsunlight</a>
    </li>
    <li>
        <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/31140833">Help me, and I'll help you</a> by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anxious_Ash/pseuds/Anxious_Ash">Anxious_Ash</a>
    </li>
  </ul>
</div></div></div>
</body>
</html>